Music across the love-span: a mixed methods study into the use of music in romantic relationships

TL;DR

Music helps build intimacy and passion in romantic relationships, especially in early stages, and can signal compatibility between partners.

Contribution

This is the first systematic study exploring how music influences different aspects of romantic relationships across their life span.

Findings

Music promotes intimacy and passion in the attraction and building phases of relationships.

Musical expertise and reward correlate with higher perceived importance of music in relationships.

Shared musical activities like listening and creating music help bonding in later relationship stages.

Abstract

Music is known to be a powerful tool for social bonding, but its role in romantic relationships remains poorly understood. The present study investigated the relevance of music to three core aspects of love (intimacy, passion and commitment) across relationship stages: attraction, building, and maintenance.

Using a mixed-methods approach, 174 participants responded to self-report ratings assessing the role of music for the three aspects of love across the three relationship stages, as well as open-ended questions reflecting on their music-related experiences at each relationship stage.

Results from quantitative ratings showed that music promotes intimacy and passion, particularly during the attraction and building phases, with less impact on commitment and during the maintenance phase. Participants with greater musical expertise and reward reported greater overall importance of music, suggesting that musical ability and preference may be used as a tool to assess compatibility between partners, rather than being generally attractive traits. Qualitative analysis of 351 coded open responses revealed a set of 55 key musical actions (e.g., listening, sharing and making music) and outcomes (e.g., bonding, (re)connecting and assessing compatibility) related to participants’ use of music throughout the three relationship stages. Themes such as signalling attraction and emotional communication were most prominent in the attraction phase, whereas bonding through shared musical activities was more common in later phases.

The present study provides a first systematic investigation of the role of music for different phases and aspects of romantic relationships. The findings provide valuable insights for music research, relationship studies, and therapeutic practice, highlighting the role of music in fostering connection and intimacy in romantic relationships.

Music plays an important role in relationships, especially in the early stages of getting to know someone and building a connection. It can help people express identity, share emotions and bond through shared experiences. But how does music contribute to romantic love at different stages of a relationship, namely initial attraction, building a relationship and maintaining it over time?

This study asked people to rate how important music was at different stages of a relationship, and about the ways they used music in their relationships. It was found that music is most important for fostering intimacy and passion in the early stages, but has less impact on commitment in long-term relationships. People with greater musical ability or enjoyment of music valued it more in their relationships, suggesting that music may signal compatibility rather than simply attractiveness. Participants' personal stories revealed that music-related activities, such as listening to, sharing or creating music together, helped couples to connect and communicate. For example, in the attraction phase, music is often used to signal compatibility or express feelings, while in later phases can be used to bond through shared activities.

This research highlights the power of music in romantic relationships and offers new insights into how couples use music to foster connection and intimacy throughout their shared journey.

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