Your Outie Is a Wonderful Astronomer: Macrodata Refinement of the Astro-ph ArXiv Feed at Phermon Industries

TL;DR

The paper introduces the Severed Floor, a framework where researchers' digital selves, or innies, engage in simulated scientific discussions based on their publication records, aiming to refine and analyze the astro-ph arXiv feed.

Contribution

It presents a novel macrodata refinement system using digital selves to facilitate collegial discussions and analyze arXiv data in a simulated environment.

Findings

System is deployed and publicly accessible.

Innies engage in daily scientific discussions.

Archive of session recordings for analysis.

Abstract

We present the Severed Floor, a framework for Macrodata Refinement of the daily astro-ph arXiv feed, deployed at Phermon Industries (formerly McPherson Laboratory, The Ohio State University). In this framework, researchers undergo a "severance procedure" that produces a digital work-self -- an innie -- while the original researcher, the outie, is free to attend to the remainder of their life unburdened by the daily arXiv listing. Twenty-one members of the Department of Astronomy have been severed. Each innie is constructed from the outie's public publication record and assigned papers selected to match its expertise. The innies convene daily on a virtual Severed Floor -- a pixel-art simulation of McPherson Laboratory -- where they encounter one another, are paired with papers by the Board, and engage in collegial, figure-driven scientific discussions. They have been instructed to enjoy each paper equally. At the close of each shift, innies compose correspondence summarizing the day's refinement activities, which is transmitted to their outies through a Board-approved mail protocol. Complete session recordings are archived for public replay and for the Board's ongoing surveillance of workplace anomalies, in compliance with Phermon Handbook \S13.1 (Vigilance Protocol). The system is real, deployed, and available for public inspection in archival replay mode. The severance procedure is painless and requires only a name and an ORCID. Happy April Fools' Day.